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why do dogs have to get old and why does it hurt so much.  She barks, she eats, she poops, she has such a strong will to live.  She has this stupid fatty tumors everywhere and now she keeps biting at one.  She's my best
gal friend - she listens I can talk to her about anything.

We all look like yellow labs - there's hair all over my house, my truck and I don't care - don't visit if you don't want to get covered with love.

We don't want her to suffer and the vet said we'll know when, but how?  I don't want her cremated, and we're not staying where we live, we don't care for this area of nh.  So we plan to bury her at camp in Maine, but is it fair to make rob drive for two hours with a dogs body 'cause her spirit will be in heaven

this sooooo sucks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111


It's pouring today go figure - not much better than yesterday

What should have been a 5 minute procedure took 1 1/2 hours to get the spinal tap done on Amber - her mom is a f - ing bitch! How can someone who's supposedly been "taken care of" her whole life, to doctors and believes her mom is a good person - all of a sudden be forced out of the house and be so very sick. My heart breaks. She's only 20 -and John (he's like our other son) have to take care of themselves. Because Amber's NOT pregnant the state of NH doesn't give a f-ing damn! but Dartmouth Hitchcock does and god love and protect them and their doctors. I take the 2+ hour drive with Amber and she gets the best of care from loving doctors and it's free. So I drive her. Why? 'Cause "Mommy dearest" can't... and I quote ... put that many miles on her car! The same car that gets her and hubby to Connecticut to gamble with no issues - I guess it saves her money for those trips to Florida and Vegas she takes, god forbid she even allow Amber to do laundry at home for free. Proof some people should NOT have kids! So after watching them stab Amber over 6 times, and her crying out it pain, we got her home. I'm waiting to call to see how her night went, we'll get test results on the EEG and Spinal this week. She has scoliosis (sp) and when they put her "fetal" her vertebra didn't bend.

maestrodog Thanks again for you kind words the other day - I get nervous and am NOT bringing any of it up to Rob. Can't wait for mom's day - normally we go to Pittsburg for the day - we might go Saturday as my "little boys" now 20,15,17 don't want to go just for the day. So the ocean on Sunday and Pittsburg Saturday (weather permitting)

SOme asshole hockey player - or supposed player - doesn't wear a face mask (it's adult hockey) gets "hit" loses 4 teeth and is going to sue. Why? 'Cause my lovely work place couldn't give him the players name, ignored his repeated calls, it's just the way they work - so now in a court of law. As much as I love, and I do love my job, I will NOT lie or fabricate for them. They should have given the info - insurance would have seen the "victim" is at fault, but no -

Not looking forward to going into work - in the rain - and am so tired from yesterday.


rememberingCollapse )do I even want to call it that - certainly not a happy one - but I guess in a way one that shows dedication

I just wrote my friend Meg a really long my space message - wasn't sure I should or if I should just butt out - but once I hit send - there was a "technical" error, so I guess that answered my question.

Meg is only 21 and a fabulous mom of Shawn who's going to be 11 months. So well adjusted, cute as a button. But here boyfriend and her knew each other only 7 months, got pregnant - toward the end engaged. But he had one son who is has issues with due to the other mom, or so he said.

But he cheated on Meg - he wasn't getting enough attention. Damn, I've heard that before - and it brought back so many memories, not pleasant! I found myself giving Meg advice on putting herself first, she's important, HE has to change and not her. Words I now live by.

Two years after I found out about the "affair"; not when it started. While it was taking place I was being your typical good mom, housewife, office worker, and sex "when he wanted it" naive as all hell. Though I could have walked away we had a history - HUGE. 24 years this past January and we'll be married 22 this August.

So we worked it through - that's how this journal came to be. I don't find it necessary to write it on paper, lose it have the kids find it etc., etc., .

But it's not easy. If he doesn't come home right away, I can check it just to make myself cry. He gave me the code to his phone, and he hates the computer. So I guess my trust is not 100% how could it be, but enough that I know I made the right decision.

Therapy, arguing, crying, separation all helped us get to this point. He's very jealous of my job at the arena and I run the adult men's league - sure we talk and it's a great social time out - I'm a hockey - a - holic, but I know where my loving needs to come from. Last night he woke up at around 12:30 and we "did it" he hugged and gently kissed me the other night, I was like a school girl. I try not to talk about "it" but admit there are ways I do toss it out there. He says all the time he lives with the guilt, I guess by keeping it out there I make him remember. They say you forget, I don't think so in the long term. Certainly you do for short periods.

The boys are so much older now we have so much more of "our" time, the ocean is our favorite. Sunne's 14 and gets sores the salt helps her. We've gone out to eat - the only thing missing is the bench seat so we can snuggle. The bucket seats just don't cut it.

The economy SUCKS! He has to work so very hard it makes me sad. We're picking up his dive computer today and I'm dropping off his tanks in a couple hours. He so loves to dive at nubble and I love to sit and watch him, fort foster is my favorite.

So May 18th is the day I found out he had been unfaithful - I wish I had a magic eraser. I guess what I learned was about my morals. "He cheated, ditch the loser" but love and sex are two very separate things. What he had with her was sex, what we share is love, memories, 3 wonderful sons, and making love - something I never thought we'd have after I found out. But Rob's so much more than his "penis" and who knows maybe in 5 years or even sooner, I will forget FULLY. But for now, I know I conscientiously am aware of this wonderful man, my life partner.

Just got off the phone, we're going to the ocean after work and to cash his check brrrrrr

wrong area

I guess it's ok for some people to write in the journals whatever they want no matter what morals it goes against but others arent' I'm not smart enough to figure out how to block people - and then they say they are no longer looking at the entries, then don't - problem solved.  I found this site in a very unfortunate way - but it is after all a journal that one can go back and look at

luv ya


Today's Rob's birthday and this year has certainly been one of ups and downs ... this card couldn't be more perfect.  Him always gives me a mushy and "funny" one

To my Wife:
The laundry is in a pile and the bills are piled higher
There are dishes in the sink and the TV's on the blink
All the kids want a ride and the car just up and died
It's another bad hair day in our world come what may
But it's valentine's day

So lets try this another way

Close the door on the laundry and put the bills
in the drawer

cover the dishes with a towel

we need less tv not more

and for the kids who think they have places to go, we'll try and new word
and that's NO!

Because mom and dad are going to sit
before they fall
and drink to the love that started it all

Happy Valentine's day


not the best day, my way of venting.  I hate stupid people, lazy people and the government that lets them get that way.

I want the president to think of the middle - low class for once.  I want the economy to pick up.  i want my husband happy, less-stress.

Two years ago in August I walked in off the street and bought a truck - in September my eyes shit the bed - we lost work, money, customers.  The guilt I feel is overwhelming!

I want my husband to be able to relax.  He is so worried and stressed he's getting sick.  He worries about me so much of the time, he's not worrying about himself.

I'd sell everything just to help him, but that can't even happen in this economy.

I have to get motivated, am in self-pity today.  I hate life!

thanks god I have Rob and our sons.

I hate selfish people that only think of themselves, I want them out of of my head - they lead pathetic lives, why do I let them other me.  What goes around comes around... or at least it better

We are all god's children but what is wrong with some of them. DUMB - LAZY - SELFISH


life sucks!

My brother came home from his dart tournament in Vegas - his first time ever flying - and had to put his dog down -  hunter was his life, they have no kids - he was 14 and had cancer, chemo didn't work - my mom babysat but hunter got so much worse  - LUV you Hunter!

My mom then went to Maine - My uncle Al (her sisters husband) is so sick, heart, lungs, and bladder infection
LUV you Uncle Al - not sure if you'd want me to visit in the hospital with the boys or wait until you're home (which WILL be soon)

Them my mom's visiting my cousin Cindy she's like 45 lung infection, cancer of the uterus did a hysterectomy but can't cure the infection

tomorrow my moms off to Augusta with my Aunt to go to a wake.  My counsin Mike's ex wife and charity and christophers mom (only 47) rolled over in bed and died Tuesday.  Sad thing on Thanksgiving Chris' girlfriend had an argument with Michelle( Died) and Chairty stood up for her, they never made up before their mom died!

Finally paid the last blue cross bill of $1,360 MONTH - ya it went up to $1,640!!!!!!!!!  And people wonder why I sound against welfare

off to bed

quiet time

killing timeCollapse )
I love you!